by Logan Nakyanzi Pollard, founder find create joy

“I love flowers, and always keep things around me that remind me of love and beauty.”

Step #1: You probably have more stuff than you need. 

Look at all your clothes, accessories, shoes, and put aside any that are damaged or that have any kind of negative association for you— even if they fit. You don’t need to throw anything away— but put anything that fits this description aside. I suggest a bag or box, out of sight, perhaps in a secure but remote part of your home, for the moment. 

Particularly if you’re living in a Western country where “fast fashion” (cheap clothes at cheap prices) is a thing, we have to struggle to be discerning about what is truly necessary for happiness.

“By nature, I seek beauty. I realize this is an essential thing: we need to signal to ourselves that we matter and that everything is alright. But this is different from accumulation of things.”

2: Consider your lifestyle:

LIST 1:

1. Are you retired? ……………………………….
2. Do you work from home or at an office or both? ……………………………….
3. Do you spend most of your time in a rural or urban environment? ……………………………….
4. Do you go out in the evenings? ……………………………….
5. Do you do sports? ……………………………….

LIST 2:

1. My daywear is: ……………………………….
2. My workwear (if applicable) is: ……………………………….
3. My evening wear: ……………………………….
4. My date night wear is: ……………………………….
5. My sleepwear is: ……………………………….
6. What I wear on vacation is (this can also be those hypothetical vacations you’ve planned in your head but have never actually taken): ……………………………….
7. My hobbies and clothes I wear for other activities are: ……………………………….
8. What I have to work out is: ……………………………….

3: Let’s compare LIST 1 with LIST 2.

1. Do you have clothes that correspond to your lifestyle? ……………………………….
2. What gaps are there? (i.e. Do you only have one set of something that you do a lot; but have many types of something that your hardly do?) ……………………………….

4: What’s missing? What’s too much? 

Remove “the too much” for the moment. You don’t need to throw, give, or sell anything away— but put these items aside.

5: Now look at what’s left. 

How does it feel to have those things gone? ……………………………….

6: Think now about things you’d like to be doing but haven’t done. 

What are those things? And what would you need to wear to do those activities? Here are some examples (below) to get your imagination going, but come up with your own ideas:

Get a new, better job at ……………………………….

Salsa dancing. 

Run a marathon. 

Start a foundation. 

Be a CEO. 

Become a parent. 

Get married. 

Graduate from school.

LIST 3: My ideal life involves these activities:

1. ……………………………….
2. ……………………………….
3. ……………………………….
4. ……………………………….
5. ……………………………….
6. ……………………………….
7. ……………………………….
8. ……………………………….

7: How far off is your ideal life from your real life?

“This is the gap where people lose their joy. At a certain point in life, people can become convinced that what they fundamentally want is no longer possible. Or, their lives have changed in such a way that the shoe no longer fits— they’ve outgrown their old life, and people get stuck not sure who they are now, and how to proceed.”

Discuss with yourself a bit about this, this gap between your REAL life and the IDEAL life: ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

8: But the truth is— you DO know who you are and what you want, as evidenced from the work you’ve already done above.

You might not have felt conscious of it. Maybe it was too frightening to think about— because you’d have to make some changes. Or maybe you feel it’s “too late.” Whatever the justification: know— it’s not too late. 

9: Everything you need for your dream life is at your disposal.

Make a list of these items. Paste them in your closet, and use this as the anchor for all your purchases going forward.

10: And finally: Take baby steps. Give yourself permission to dream again. But not someone else’s dream. Your dream.

Be who you always wanted to be.

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